I was betrayed.
I met him many months ago, when I first arrived in this neighbourhood.
We were strangers then; we’re strangers again..
He was always there whenever I was drawn to him.
He was always there, every single day.
I would not always pursue him. He would never pursue me. But he knew.. we both knew.. that he had what I needed; what I most desired in the world between the hours of 12:30pm and 1:05pm.
Days turned to weeks, turned to months.
I never got his name, not a single time, though I would toss and turn in my sleep knowing that I could never ask him, for he did not speak a word of English, and I.. not a word of Thai.
I trusted him.
I considered him a friend, a brother, maybe even something more, if that’s possible..
And then.. today, on my mid day saunter, I was betrayed.
I bought the same order from him that I had bought 3 to 5 days a week.. what I most desired.. intimately… his fried chicken from his street cart.
And I tell you this, my good friends.. this chicken, is fucking delicious. Gordon Ramsay himself would slap his own mother for one drum stick of this chicken. And my friends… it’s the cheapest chicken in town. 21 cents, Canadian, is what it works out to.
I loved this man’s chicken.
But… I was betrayed..
Upon ingesting this prized momentary possession that was now mine, I had not a worry in the world, not a problem in this life, the last or the next, not a single care.
It was 5:30pm, only 30 minutes until rehearsal.
I felt light headed. I felt weak in the arms and legs. My back began to ache.
“Could I have corona???” I thought to myself.. “Could this be Dengue yet again?!! No, it couldn’t be.. I’ve caught it 4 times. That chick that I met two times told me that I couldn’t get it more than that. Chicks at bars don’t lie?? Right??” In a panic.. I swallowed a double dose of all the vitamins that I had at my disposal.
Because I’m a badass, I can not show a single sign of weakness or discomfort around other men, that’s just the way it’s gotta be. I am not a bitch, mother fucker, I am a mother fucker.
I made it through rehearsal; then quickly, I walked to the grocery store to purchase as many fruits and vegetables and chicken that my weakened body could carry. The bill came to almost 40 dollars. That’s a lot in Thailand. I made it back home, and immediately began to boil chicken, ginger, carrots, onions and various leafy green things that I bought but do not care to learn the names of because they are highly recommended by homosexual hippies and vegans whom bother me. You can tell that this was an emergency for me to even consider buying plant life of this nature.
I cooked a head of garlic, and ate it while my soup boiled. This would cure me, I was sure.
An hour passed. I drank 3 bowls of soup.
And then… a rumbling, that could only be compared to a Japanese earth quake, tearing Tokyo to pieces, proceeded to shake the very foundation of my body and my soul. My stomach began to move like that scene in Aliens when the xenomorph breaks through the guys chest. Sweat began to pour from every inch of skin that I have.
“Maybe this is it. maybe I’m going to die? Ok, fuck you God.” I proclaimed to myself while trying to hold together my insides in a futile manner.
Then, I sat down on the toilet, and the earth itself shook with rage as my colon cleansed itself. This was no normal colon cleanse. This was a colon rapture. Jesus himself shined a great beacon of love through my spasming asshole, and after quite some time.. I was born again.
Though some may see this as a positive thing, I know better.
It was not…
I was betrayed.